Shoutout to all of my fellow single friends out there. Anybody else agree that dating is rough? Have you been on a date and within fifteen minutes, wish you were NOT on that date? Or have you been on a date and really liked the person only to find that they avoid you after the date? I ran across this list of dating no-no's from Bolde. I found myself nodding as I read each of these. How great would it be to print this thing out and pass it over to your dates to review over your first drink?
All joking aside, if you're single and dating, this list is worth the read.
Happy dating, my friends.
BEING TOO NEEDY
The thing about starting out new relationships is that you can’t go too hard too fast. You have to give off the illusion of being hard to get, or at least not too available. If you’re always waiting at their beck and call or trying to hang out all the time, it won’t be as special. If you’re always smothering them, you become a chore and it’s killing your dating game.
TEXTING FIRST ALL THE TIME
It’s exciting when you’re first talking to someone and we all get over-eager in the opening stages. We want to show off and demonstrate how witty and likable we are, but sometimes you have to play it cool before you can be authentic. Let them come to you and text first.
NOT TAKING THE INITIATIVE
While it’s important to give people space, you also need to make sure you put effort into the relationship. It shouldn’t all be about one person making things happen, or suggesting fun date ideas. That reinforces basic gender dynamics, and frankly, we’re more evolved than that in 2022. To improve your dating game, suggest date ideas that you actually want to do, rather than just going with the flow.
SHOWING APATHY RATHER THAN EMPATHY
If you’re not able to show the person you’re talking to some basic compassion, you won’t get anywhere. Really listen to them and their worries – that will prompt more meaningful conversation. We’re all guilty of getting stressed on dates trying to figure out what to say next when another person is talking, so just relax and show empathy.
NOT BEING WILLING TO COMPROMISE
If you show warning signs early on in the relationship, you won’t get anywhere. It will kill your chances of getting to know someone. Being comfortable with someone takes time and should be a natural process, so don’t go into a talking stage expecting to be totally comfortable. We all have to be on our best behavior and show that we can play nice.
BEING TOO JUDGMENTAL
When you’re just getting to know someone, you probably won’t fully understand each other’s sense of humor yet. That’s totally fine, but it means that you can’t always be a sarcastic, deadpan person. People might think you’re mean or judgy when that’s not the case at all.
NEVER GETTING DRESSED UP FOR DATES
It sucks to admit that this is a dating game killer but it definitely is. If you’re that person that always rocks up to dates in tracksuits, you need to put more effort in than that. Show the other person you’re dating that you’re really interested in them. That doesn’t mean you need to wear stilettos and a face full of makeup, but just putting some effort into your appearance and wearing something that makes you feel hot as hell goes a long way.
NOT KNOWING HOW TO COMMUNICATE
As the relationship develops, you have to be able to change how you behave with them. You will respond to each other as you grow together, and being able to communicate your needs is crucial. If you aren’t willing to do that, you’re killing your dating game.
ONLY TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF
It’s nice to get the ball rolling and start the chain of conversation, but if you’re not pausing for breath long enough for someone else to get a word in edgeways, you’re getting yourself in deep waters. It shows that you don’t really care about what the other person will say.
HAVING POOR PERSONAL HYGIENE
This is a simple one, really. You need to be able to put that effort in and show that you respect both yourself and the other person you’re dating by keeping clean and healthy. It just turns people off before they get to know you.
LYING A LOT
There are lots of reasons why people lie, and it’s usually to impress someone. However, if you’re finding yourself getting into the trap of lying all the time and avoiding being honest and vulnerable about yourself, it just shows all of your insecurities and anxieties. You’re setting yourself up for defeat if the relationship progresses and you have to reveal the truth.
BEING A TOTAL NARCISSIST
This is a step beyond just talking about yourself, and it shows a bigger psychological problem in the future. It’s hard to take on other people’s baggage, and if you reveal those tendencies too early, it will turn people away. This is a majorly inexcusable dating game killer.
BEING TOO COMPETITIVE
A little competition is good fun, of course, but if you’re constantly going beyond that, trying to outdo them, you will kill your dating game. It shows you’re too egotistical, and that you’re internally dismissing what they’re doing, which is hard to put up with.
DISRESPECTING THEIR HOBBIES
If a guy can obsess about football seven nights a week, a girl should be able to obsess about makeup or books or birds or whatever she wants to. If you’re constantly disrespecting things that the person you’re dating enjoys, you’re bumming the mood. Just let people enjoy things, dude!
HAVING MISOGYNISTIC DOUBLE STANDARDS
It’s really difficult to live with toxic people or people whose values just fundamentally don’t align with yours. People won’t, and shouldn’t, settle for that. If you need to reassess your relationship with feminism, don’t be surprised if you’re killing your dating game.
This is a total dating game killer if ever there was one. Don’t smother people, don’t follow them home or turn up at their door unannounced early on in the relationship. That’s not romance, that’s creepy. It might have worked in 80s romcoms, but it doesn’t cut it in 2022.
USING TOO MANY CRINGY ONE-LINERS
This is lazy and dated and the person you’re dating will expect more effort than this. Maybe it’s funny to do once, but take the time to actually learn about the person you’re seeing – that’s what will stop you killing your dating game.
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