While I witnessed SNL's decision to pull Morgan Wallen from performing this weekend, I saw the comments. "How can they make that decision? So what?!? We've all had weekends like that." and etc. Then, I watched Morgan apologize and ultimately take some time for himself. Still, people were lost in the SNL decision and went back to that. I don't know what lies next for Morgan but I hope he truly sees what his words mean.
In 2016, I was drinking more than I ever had before. I wouldn't say I was an alcoholic, I wasn't drinking in my spare time at home or "needing" a drink. I was drinking with friends and when one whiskey would finish, I'd order another one. When that was gone, I'd get another and so on. Then, I'd make the awful decision to jump in my truck and drive home or leave the party on my own. I would see my friends drinking and think, "man, they are hammered and need to chill." I would get phone calls from their spouses, girlfriends or partners urging me to talk with them.
In 2017, I went to Vegas with some friends and immediately hit a pool party. Rounds of shots, overpoured drinks, music, people, everything. I was hanging around all my friends and others I didn't know. Like Morgan, I found myself kissing random women. I told the story to my buddies when I got home, hoping someone would say "Man, you might wanna grow up a little" or "gotta chill with that." Yet, no one did.
Later that year, I left a bar, in the dead of winter and drove home, like I had many times before. I blew out a tire and freaked out. I didn't want to pull over on the highway so I made it to an abandoned warehouse, in the middle of nowhere. I got out, tried to change my tire and realized that wasn't going to happen. I called a friend, crying and she came down to get me home. The truck got towed and a new tire was put on. Sarah, my friend was the first one to say "You have a little growing up to do." While hammered, those words cut through, probably because I knew I needed to hear them.
I made some changes in my life and saw that it was really taking baby steps. I've had maybe two drinks during quarantine. I don't drive anywhere if I know I'll have a drink. I set a limit and force myself to stay to it. I didn't really talk about this with anyone out of fear that I would lose them as a friend. Stupid, I know. Quarantine has been a great break from life and really, any demons I had and still fight.
I love you all,
-Spencer